Many men and women publicly display their anger issues. They speak about it as if they feel pride and that people will find it attractive. But the truth of the matter is there is nothing attractive about a person who has no control of themselves. If a person is unable to control their temper or lashes out and brags about it, then there is a good chance they have given up. Giving up seems like the only option to them because they might have struggled with this for so long and were unable to overcome it. However, giving in to this anger is not the solution. Plenty of other ways exist to combat this anger besides casually claiming it as a quality you are stuck with. Follow these steps in order to get a handle on yourself when tempted to lose control.
Fight the urge to explode
Often people who fall victim to anger are unable to think through their feelings. I know this because I, too, used to give into the spirit of anger. I lived in it. My world revolved around it mainly because it was so much easier to hit things and yell then it was to control myself. The smallest things would set me off and I would experience what felt like a literally ball of flames within my soul.
Understanding Your Body
Scientific explanations describe this exact feeling. Your glands experience a domino effect when you feel extreme anger. Adrenal glands drench your system with a deadly combination to fuel your rage including adrenaline, stress hormones and cortisol which gives you additional strength and excessive energy. Your blood is pumping so hard it feels as though your heartbeat is going to jump out of your chest. Meanwhile, the blood pressure redirects your blood flow directly to your muscles preparing you to fight. The further into this process you get, the more difficult it is to get a handle on it and turn it around.
Calming yourself and not letting anger control you can be managed in many different ways. Now, don’t get me wrong this is not always an easy process. Sometimes the first time is the most difficult and very quickly you will feel how much easier it is to fall victim to losing control. Listed below, are just a few ways to find peace in the midst of the madness. You are capable of anything you put your mind to. If you apply even one of the options listed below, you will see a direct impact to your battle with anger.
Calming Techniques To Resist Anger
- Remove yourself from the situation. Find a calm, quiet place to close your eyes and take deep breaths. If you have to, go on a short walk to find peace and escape the chaos. Try utilizing grounding techniques in this article to help you through this process.
- Ask yourself what kind of person do my loved ones deserve? Is this the role model I want to display for my kids or future children to see? Think deep down of the person you want to stand for. You are in control of who that person is and only you can decide to resist anger. I made a list of statements/questions to read when I started to feel the control slip from my grip.
- Exercise is also an excellent way to release that anger in a healthy way. I would do push-ups until I collapsed while listening to music in my headphones. Music helped me feel understood and the workout helped me re-route the excess adrenaline, strength and energy.
- Sometimes, venting and talking out what you feel can be the best options for you. If you have a spouse, family member or close friend to talk to that wasn’t involved in the situation, they can be an excellent resource to express how you are feeling and tell them what happened. Let this chance for positive light pour into what feels like your inferno of emotions.
- When we get angry it is so easy to let negative thoughts flood our fragile minds. I had a hard time denying self doubt and criticism, but it’s possible. Even if you have to force it out, tell yourself that you are strong. Let yourself know that you can do this and control yourself.
Reflect On Your Anger
Once you are able to settle your mind and body, try to reflect on what happened that made you lose that control. Can you pinpoint where you felt the composure slip away? Why did that event make you feel such anger? Most of the time the roots of the anger are much more simple than people realize.
Causes can include hurt feelings, losing patience or feeling unappreciated. Past events or traumas could also cause an immediate reaction without second thought. The importance of dissecting the source of the anger cannot be stressed enough.
Learning from your habits and how you function is the only way you can learn to counteract the anger. You need to take action right when you feel it growing inside of you. Actions taken can be as small as a few deep breaths or as large as removing yourself from the situation to ensure control.
Learning From Anger
You are able to learn from it, once you have calmed yourself down and reflected on the result. Think about what caused your outrage and what you felt besides rage. We can take a look back and see what we could have done differently to prevent the situation. I know if they were able to get you that upset then there are probably things they could have done to prevent the situation as well but we are only in control of ourselves.
Once you have gathered your thoughts of what you could have done differently, if necessary, think about what can be said to resolve or begin to repair what has happened. Whether there were hurtful words said or harmful actions done on your end, there are always things to apologize for. Again, try not to focus on the wrong done by others but only what you can do to be the best person you can be.
Think about what you can say to your upset spouse or relative to let them know you what you feel. Communication empowers relationships of any kind.
Resolving The Issue
In any kind of relationship the responsibility relies on both parties. Sometimes, taking ownership of what you did and letting them know how you feel can help them contemplate as well. Let them know how you felt and why you got upset in the first place. Calmly and peacefully discussing the issue is the only way for the conversation to go smoothly.
Sometimes apologizing and explaining your feelings to the other person is not necessary and can set you up for hurt. In this example, the issue could lead to a deeper rooted problem that you already know you and the other person are not in agreement on. You can either still communicate how you feel despite the controversy or resolve it on your own. A way to resolve this issue without communicating to the other person is to communicate to yourself. Acknowledge what went wrong, accept the way that you acted and have a plan on what to do if a situation like this happens again.
Whether you were able to effectively resolve the issue or not, forgiving yourself is detrimental to your recovery. Forgiving myself was by far my biggest struggle when it came to recovering from mistakes driven by anger. The previously mentioned bullet point comes into play, here. Make this process so much easier by positive thinking and speaking. You know what kind of person you are striving to be, now the final step is to turn the page and move toward self-love.
Anger issues can be measured on a spectrum. Ranging anywhere from showing signs of early symptoms to punching holes in walls, you can get a handle on your anger. Plenty of support groups, therapists and resources are available to you so you can manage your anger in the best way possible.
Anger is like an addiction. Once in the habit of losing control or physically lashing out, it’s tough to retrain your brain and body. But just like addiction, every small accomplishment is a victory. Every day you are able to get through without erupting is a successful day. If you need motivation to change, reward yourself. Encourage yourself, love yourself, push yourself to be the best person you can be.
You are stronger than that urge and you can do anything. Believe in yourself and know you are not alone.
"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."Buddha
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”Mark Twain
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